openig sentece for my story

Hello readers welcome back to my blog, 

w.a.l.t write an interesting first sentence to hook our reader.

My first sentence was " I thought he was playing too much then his mum came in with a present." and my improved sentence was "The boy was playing Playstation I can see the TV in his eyes air was blowing there was a pack of chips lying down on the floor on his back." Do you like my improved sentence.

treasure lsland

hi everyone this is my treasure Isand post. we have been reading a book about treasure lsland. We had to draw all the places capitain black patch went. You can find a link to my reading page. I am proud of my drawing.